Empathy and a Gift

Maybe something is wrong with me, but lately I have been having these awful vivid nightmares. Ones where something awful happens to my babygirl. I don't know what the thing is that's happened, but I wake up sobbing. Or, like this AM, driving down the highway and the feeling of loss just randomly crashes over me and it feels like someone kicked me in the chest. What the heck??? And on top of that I had people who inevitably looked over at me trying to drive with buckets of tears and the ugly crying face...perfect.

I am going to take these episodes as empathy training for my future career-as opposed to an indication that I may need to take a trip to the drug store-and try to remember this as I move forward: everyone handles stress and sickness and loss differently. I will not presume to know the level of reaction that is appropriate in many of those situations, and at the same time try not to be reduced to a puddle of tears when I witness something awful.

On another note...a while back, while I was a stay at home mom, I attempted(well really half-attempted) to start a photography business. Let me just say, I'm pretty sure that I will be abandoning that effort for a while. I started portfolio building, and during that time doing shoots for people for REALLY cheap-meaning you pay for the prints you want at cost. I found that people were generally very demanding, and not very grateful. One client asked me why if this was for my portfolio I wasn't doing unlimited free prints too. At that point I realized that while I love photography, doing it for money is not for me. I don't want to have to take jobs to pay bills. So I decided that Candy Apple Smiles will still live, but on a much smaller scale than I originally envisioned. I am planning on just doing jobs for people that I know, and really only when I have time. And most likely "at cost". Making this decision has de-stressed me a little, and deciding that I am going to do exactly what I want makes me happier than the prospect of more miserable encounters. In addition, I promise myself I will buy accessories for my hobby without guilt, or the feeling that I need to make some money from this to justify buying more/better stuff. With that said, I am buying myself a gift to kick off my "pictures for pleasure" phase: